I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
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3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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