did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't think brook has ever known best
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
