He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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