She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
