Yo dont text me then not text me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Even my vagina gasped.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
