My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
