He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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