i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize