respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
