I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When are your genitals available?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
