dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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