everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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