Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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