I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
