ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
