actually, I'm a sock model
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
