My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
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