Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
