you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
