dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
