so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize