Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
