new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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