Someone shit on the floor
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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