Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
