I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
