so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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