It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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