It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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