Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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