i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
