I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
