i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
