their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
