Betty ford says i'm here all night
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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