Sponge bath it is.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
