I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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