just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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