So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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