You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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