I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
