next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
