he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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