I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
