I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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