Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
