New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
