I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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