Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
