I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
