dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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