remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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