The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
