My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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