yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize