I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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