They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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