I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
