Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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