My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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