my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
