it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
