and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
