i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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