I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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