I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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